Written on June 24th
Oh Shit...
It's hitting harder & harder closer to the time.
Full of all the emotions & constant overthinking.
Telling Guests face to face is Sheariously painful story to tell. Realization...I have attachment issues.
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I giving up to easily?
Yes there is a part of me that believes so!
When I try & rationalize the scenio there is fear.
But I don't want fear to control me.
What I am fearful about stepping away???
▪︎ Well, for sure Guest disappointment.
▪︎ Not having control being my own boss!
▪︎ Home life dynamic. If my son is sick, time off school...I can still work
▪︎ The outside job life unbearable??? In our current life where everyone is becoming an entrepreneur...I'm turning the other way...???
It was brought to my attention that may I have workplace trauma. Gutted. Past observation experiences in the Salon world is, if you kno, you know...yet I am intrigued to face it, explore it & heal from it.
When you have been your own boss for a decade, the sense of control of your own fate & letting it go is truly overwhelming.
CONGRATS ON QUITTING YOUR OWN BUSINESS! 😂🥴😂
Axiety lives in the future & I'm in that state of mind figuring out a new way of being. Daunting.
Eliminating your freedom & flexibility that amounts in balance for my family dynamic...yet, it hasn't been financially rewarding. Can that be solved...10000 fucking %! I pay myself every two weeks...it's a low paycheck & my credit card is paid every month as debt scares me. Happy & proud to say, I'm leaving debt free from my Business.
I crave security & mental release.
Having 2 major life changes...hysterectomy & "retiring"...Fuck fuckity FUCK! That's a mental load!
Am I having a mid-life crisis?
Did I share to early?
Am I wasting my talent?
Oh gawd... I sure am wasting my talent. Ain't the worst & ain't the best but I sure provided outstanding Hair Hues through the years.
OH SHIT...I'm Sheariously Spiraling....
Second Guessing hard...
Crying harder...
Sheariously giving it all up....
I love my Home Salon concept & being my own boss, I built my dream in a different way...& I like different. In order to make a difference in the world you gotta be different!
My choice to no longer be behind the chair hurts. It's what I've known for many moons.
Yet, with all I've accomplished, while operating a home salon that I will Sheariously cherish forever...unfortunately my well-being isn't currently being fulfilled. This current moment...to write this sickens me to the soul...
▪︎ I no longer want to strive to progress behind the chair
▪︎ I no longer want to work evenings
▪︎ no longer want to expose myself with chemicals
▪︎ no longer be tramua dumped on
▪︎ no longer want Beauty Business Burnout
▪︎ no longer want to have fluctuating income
There still aspects of the Beauty Industry that I admire...but my views & values no longer align. Ew rant....
Ugh. Writing about this is gross. Writing truths hurt... admitting is accountability. I will survive this!
This whole process of stepping away is a ME problem! Hi, I'm the problem....It's me!
Insecurity issue?
I don't doubt that & yet that is an element I have to face & conquer.
Nobody has it all figured out. We are all works in progress. Embrace the process of self-discovery, personal growth & allow ourselves the freedom to learn + evolve.
I wanted to move away behind the chair for SO long. I tried to make a go of "Balance Your Beauty Business" Home Salon Digital coaching to transition away from the chair...but it never popped off...I definitely have Digital Imposter Syndrome. A bunch of content, guides for Home Salon Business that have never seen the internet light. Also, I do believe I cockblocked my own self for it not to happen as I have difficulty aligning with pouring so much time/effort/money in the digital world compared to real life. [Even hired out a Digital Assistant to ease the load but in return I gained more on my plate]
My alignment didn't match, there for it didn't happen. I wanted this to work, still be apart of the Beauty Industry & be the Sheariously community safe space for Home Salon Providers. I STILL want that & be present on Social Media.
Take me away from behind the chair BUT never take the Hairstylist out of my soul!!!
WHY the fuck is it so Sheariously emotional!
I know I no longer want to survive on my current fluctuating income. I am not new or scared on price increases & I'm pretty damn good at saving & behind the scene Business management. I would like to think I'm a passion over paycheck type of gal...but 17 years of fluctuations is exhausting to budget.
Let talk about money lil'more...I have my own issues towards $$$. I love it to survive & pay for my future. I've never been a 6-figure Hairstylist as I don't measure my success wealth wise. I do want financial stability. YES, you can achieve it in the Industry, you gotta be cut throat in your value.
Cancelled hair session effects my income & business. Pay myself first but less...business gets the rest. That is how business goes & best business practices to make sure business will strive
Honestly...here is another problem I can't wrap my head around. I like beauty affordability. I value my prices at a rate that would pay for & business expense needs...I personally wouldn't pay $500+ to get my hair colour. [Yes, I've charged pretty pennys for big long ass hair journeys] Don't get me wrong, I am aware with different salon dynamics & why they need to charge what they do to keep the business afloat & their value is different. Different doesn’t mean wrong. I'm Sheariously not that fucking naive. BUT there IS a bunch of price gouging in the industry & being a Libra of justice & fairness...well, it's hard to observe & be part of an Industry so tainted with marketing towards womens insecurities. I see through the marketing & influence.
Profit over people industry...a mirage.
Don't get it Sheariously twisted as it is a fun industry to be a part of.
That's a whole other story...
Awareness...I'm pointing the finger & blaming.
Ew! That's insecurity spewing.
Calling myself out.
Bring on more accountability & self discovery healing.
The world is a dumpster fire & I want to secure a better financial future & benifits!
I luckily use my husband benifits but honestly...I don't have benifits for short term disability for my surgery. With my ripe age & getting older...I want security.
Will a standard job be enough???
INDEPENDENT SHE-EO's factor in a benifit plan!!!
Insurance too...at least I got that!
I thought about part time work & part time behind the chair BUT part time doesn't offer benifits. Dilemma!!!
I did apply for a Job as an Educational Assistant as part time does offer benefits BUT the opportunity needs to be filled while I'm recovering.
My fear is not landing a job after my recovery.
Returning back behind the chair definitely can be a plan B option yet still be in the process of finding an alternative job...I don't want to mislead anyone & I know Guests would prefer to have a Beauty provider long term or even someone who is passionate in the position.
Maybe my distance from the industry will refuel my passion, get out of this insecurity funk...just never know...here for the ride.
Maybe I'm exiting prematurely...as after surgery, I can slowly ease back in, whereas finding another job...I'm forced full tilt.
I am made to do hard thing tho!!!
Well FUCK! My Libra indecisiveness is hitting full force. I truly hate leaving it allllll behind....
Sheariously torn yet I'm energy is being pulled & wanting this change!
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